i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
