Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
