these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
