Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
