I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
