I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
