absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
