I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
