My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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