I cockslap morals
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
