Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
