Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
