Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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