I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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