When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
