@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
