i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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