you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
