Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
