I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Bring me that man meat
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
