Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
