I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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