I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
