Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I met the friendliest cop last night
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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