Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
