I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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