fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
