If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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