Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
