I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
