Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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