I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
