They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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