i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
