the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
