Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
