I wanna passion pit in your ass
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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