maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
