If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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