The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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