u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize