she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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