She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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