if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
