I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
