there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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