I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
