i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
