evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
