i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
