his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
