New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
