I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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